Fitting Our Own Skin and Finding Ourselves Again.

J.S.,
You did it again. You wrote something that hit home, this time in the chaplaincy realm. When I am asked about being a workplace chaplain, I tell people, “I am paid to have awkward conversations all day long.” It is awkward even for an extrovert who doesn’t care as much about my impression as the impression of the one whom I represent. Great article. I wanted to share this one on my blog as well.

J.S. Park

Each week, part of my chaplaincy training is to write a reflection on how it’s going. Here’s week number five. Some identities may be altered for privacy. All the writings are here.

I’m always trying to shake this feeling that I’m not fitting in my own skin. That ickiness is always there.

Even when I’m good at something, I constantly wonder if I’m getting it right. It’s like that strange phantom when you go on a trip: Did I grab everything? Do I have my wallet? Where’s my charger? Is the stove off? Am I wearing pants right now?

The moment I visit a patient, the finger-pointing phantom jumps right in my guts and starts twisting batter in my belly. It’s this nauseous churning of self-doubt and second-guessing and burning insecurity. This gleeful little rat-goblin chips away at me as words spill from my mouth.

Oh come on…

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